Sunday, January 24, 2016

What Am I?

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I am a bleeding heart liberal with loaded handguns upstairs and down. I even drew a gun once on two kids who threatened me in a mall parking lot. Would I have shot them if they'd kept coming? Yes. I took my training with law enforcement. I support commonsense gun control.

I love puppies and kitties and every other kind of baby although I'm not especially enamored of most grown up people. I own three 3 cats and a dog of my own (or rather, they own me).

I can be a total redneck when it comes to NASCAR. Go ahead - say something nasty about Jimmie Johnson! I dare you!

I think we should legalize marijuana and even prostitution. (Why shouldn't adults be free to enter into consensual contracts with one another? Don't we believe in free enterprise and less intrusive government?)

I have no problem with political correctness. Trying to be aware of not hurting someone's feelings is just another way of offering one another respect. Can it be carried too far? Yes, and often is - by both sides. I'm just trying to be pleasant when I wish you Happy Holidays, not undermine your faith.

I believe in gay rights. I don't think God cares if people are gay. To be really trite about it, some of my best friends are gay.

I'm okay with the death penalty for particularly heinous crimes. I think society has a right to rid itself of humans that have turned malignant, just as the body tries to rid itself of cancerous cells.

I love the earth itself more than I love mankind. I think that over all, we've been terrible stewards of our planet. Those chickens may come home to roost one day but thankfully, probably too late to affect me. I'm glad I don't have children and grandchildren who will pay the price for our self-interest and greed.

I have worked for Democrats and Republicans and loved them both. My favorite bosses were a Democrat Mayor and a Republican Sheriff.

I have never been very sensitive. I have laughed heartily at sexist jokes and racist jokes and gay jokes and religious jokes.

I was recently called a predator because I'm so smart, I'm able to lure less intelligent people into being lemming libtards. I still haven't quite figured out if there is a compliment in there somewhere. More to the point, why would I want to do this unless I really believe it? Just to prove I can? Trust me, I have no aspirations of my own superiority.

I'm a hypocrite about certain things. For instance, I love steak and pork tenderloin and fried chicken but probably if I had to do the actual killing of cows and pigs and chickens, I'd become a vegetarian. I don't even like to catch fish. I don't even like to stomp on bugs....except spiders. Outside, it is "live and let live" but if they come in my house, spiders are dead....and fleas. I hate fleas.

I follow no particular religion. I can neither confirm nor deny. I lean toward believing in reincarnation but I couldn't say for sure. I lean toward believing in some kind of life after death but, again, I couldn't say for sure. I'm content to wait for the answers. In the meantime, I don't care what others believe, be they Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Jew.

I'm inclined to think that there is no such thing as Prosperity Theology. I'm inclined to think that ministers who live in mansions and drive Mercedes are on the wrong theological track. I'm inclined to think that whoever is in charge doesn't approve of rape, beheading, torturing or burning people alive in His/Her/Its name. These are things I think, not things I know for sure.

America speaks about its love for children, especially those of the pre-born variety, but I don't believe we really mean it. We would take better care of them if we did.

We all claim indignantly that we're not racists, no way, but though we speak the words, our actions prove something different. The election of Barack Obama has brought this glaringly light. Racism is alive and well in America. I think 99 percent of police officers are good people, trying to do a good job, but having said that, some of them seem to be doing a lot of unjustified shooting and most of their victims are black.

I think we would be very sorry if we deported all our immigrants but I do believe we need a better system of monitoring who we allow in and for how long. Why in the world when we all agree we want better border security, we can't get together and devise a bipartisan policy, I don't understand. Do some people want the issue more than the resolution?

I write all this to show that labels rarely apply to anyone 100 percent of the time. We are all an amalgam of opinions and beliefs. Few us follow in lockstep with any faith or political philosophy. In our country today though, we use a kind of shorthand - liberal, conservative, Christian, atheist, and once we've placed someone into one of those slots, we think we know all there is to know about them when we only have the merest understanding of who they really are.